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August 9, 2019

Things that students do that should be illegal

By Anonymous

I’m a nice person, I really am. But every time I step foot on campus, I find myself making this face at more than one person. 

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And trust me, I know I’m not the only one giving some of you animals this look. So if you don’t want to end up on Santa’s naughty list, here’s a list of nine things that are basically illegal on campus. 

Stop in the middle of the hallway

Our campus has so many places to sit, stand, or lay down… the hallways are not one of them. You’re going to cause a traffic jam, someone may fall over, others may get pushed over (possibly by me) and it’s just chaos. Don’t do it.

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Walk slow

You may not be in a rush to class, but I have things to do, places to be, and people to see. So on behalf of all the other busy bees: Do. Not. Walk. Slow. There may be people who are walking in the same direction as you that you’re slowing down. If you’re trying to annoy people, you’ll walk extremely slow at the crosswalks and hold up traffic. You’re a human, not a snail.

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Listen to music without headphones in

People may be trying to have a conversation in the halls, or be taking a peaceful walk around campus. Chances are I’m on the phone trying to make plans for tonight. Others may be trying to listen to their music. I can guarantee you that not everyone likes your music taste, so there is no need to play it out loud. Air pods, beats, earbuds, whatever… just keep your music to yourself.

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Extreme Public Displays of Affection (PDA)

Holding hands, cool. Hugging, cool. A short kiss, cool. Making out, ABSOLUTELY NOT. I’m happy you found someone you can connect with, but making out in public is a no. If you’re going to make out, get a room (and no, not a study room… just go home).

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Walk or stop in groups (especially on staircases)

Similarly to stopping in the middle of hallways, you’re just asking for a mess. People are walking in both directions, and you cannot take up the whole path just to walk side by side with your group of 3 or more people. Walk in pairs; the buddy system was invented for a reason. Not to mention, taking up the entire length of the hallway doesn’t give people with mobility devices room to get through. This isn’t just an annoyance, it’s an accessibility issue! 

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Take someone’s seat (even though they’re unassigned)

Majority of lectures don’t have assigned seating, BUT, the first day of class gives you unofficial first dibs. Some may like learning from a consistent spot from the first day of class; others may have friends they always sit with. It’s also easier for professors to remember you if you sit in the same seat. Just like how you MUST break a Kit-Kat bar before eating it, you must stay in the same position year-round. Don’t don’t take my seat, got it?

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Eat loudly in class

This should go without saying. Bringing food to the class is cool, but don’t distract everyone with your crunching and chewing. Have your loud food outside, then come back in, please. The only exception to this rule is if you have a cool professor who lets you bring in food for the class and have a potluck.

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Take up too much space in lectures

Some classes are at full capacity, which means there is one desk space for each student. I repeat, one desk for each student. Everyone needs their personal space, so don’t clutter your things all over the place. Your bag does not need it’s own seat. If your pens or books slide into my personal space, you will get one warning before I “accidentally” knock your stuff right off the desk. If someone comes late and is looking for a place to sit, your stuff all over the chair next to you may confuse them in a full class.

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Asking irrelevant questions at the end of a lecture

Within the last few minutes of a lecture, chances are the professor wasn’t leaving you with anything content substantial. Therefore, your question probably doesn’t need to be announced to the whole class - unless you KNOW others have the same question. Half of your class is probably dying to get out of there, and you’ll just be prolonging the wait. Save your question! Ask it at office hours or on BlackBoard. Even better, just read your syllabus first. Guaranteed the answer is in there.

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I don’t make the rules, but if I did all of these things would be illegal. Unwritten rules or not, you shouldn’t do these things. If you know anyone that needs to be taught a lesson or two, I would 90% recommend sending this to them (the other 10% being faculty and staff you don’t want to mess with). Together, we can make our campus a happier, annoyance-free place.